Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
