I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
