I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
