I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
