I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you mean i was at the winter classic?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
