Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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