Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
