In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
