I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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