I CAN MOONWALK!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
