i need an iv and a liver transplant
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
