In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
