Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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