She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
