I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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