the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
