Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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