roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize