No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
