did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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