Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
