I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
