I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
last night I used snow as a chaser
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