did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
