This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
