I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
