The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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