I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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