i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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