Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
