Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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