This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
handjob tips. give me some.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
