She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
