I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
