Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just found puke in my bra..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
