i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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