My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
