Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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