If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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