Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You took a bar mat shot.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
