u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
