I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Quick, to the slutcave!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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