i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
