Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
