Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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