I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
