I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
