Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
