Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
