My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Mom said you looked used
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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