I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
