??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
