i was born a porn star she said
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
