NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just forgot I was standing up.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
