Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
