Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
